As we move into another year ask yourself what you want, then take an HONEST look at where you are and how you got there. Now accept that. Are you in a job that torments you, a relationship that is unfulfilling, or have you not started are achieved something that you keep thinking about?
Stop making excuses about why you haven't done this, and why you can't achieve that. It is time to start looking inward and honoring what holds you back. We all want to appeal to our highest and best self. We often tell ourselves and others all the great parts of ourselves but often overlook the less fantastic elements. That doesn't mean you are a terrible person in any way but maybe you got lazy, unmotivated, unfocused, feel like you are letting yourself down, or there is something you think should matter to you that really doesn't.
I'm here to tell you that all of that is okay. What is not okay is lying to yourself because you will never move forward if you're always telling yourself a lie.
Next time there is something you want to achieve but you know there is an obstacle, practice a little exercise that I do with clients and friends. I tell them that I'm going to ask them a question and I want them to tell me the first thing that comes to their mind without analyzing it because that first thought is their real, subconscious reason. I will give you an example:
A few years ago I had a client who was in transition between relationships and homes and she had the opportunity to move into a friend’s place for a few months to save money to buy a house. Now I knew the reason she was really hesitant to make this move but she kept giving me all of the rational, logical reasons. “It's a lot of work,” “I don't wanna displace the pets,” “I'm really hoping this other thing happens and I don't want to have to move twice,” and so on.
I sat her down and we did my little exercise. When I asked her why she didn't want to move into her friend’s house the first thing that came out of her mouth was because she felt she was taking a step backward. That was the real reason, not all the logistical excuses she was telling herself. When she finally said it out loud she was able to own it and resolve it. Needless to say, she moved into her friend's place and within a few months she had saved up enough money and found a house she really wanted to buy. This would not have been achieved had she not taken that step backward as she saw it.
There is something very powerful about voicing emotions that hold us back.
Just remember, you get to decide your next move. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it doesn't matter what your peers are doing, it doesn’t matter what excuses you have told yourself in the past, and mourning your unmet goals is not helping you either. This year, stop looking behind you or at your feet. You have the power inside of you to move forward – just start looking that way and don’t feel bad about taking care of you.