Stop Waiting to Feel Ready – Action Creates Confidence

TL;DR: Confidence isn't a prerequisite for action; it's usually built by doing things before you're completely sure you can. Nicole Hollar, behavior change keynote speaker and coach, explains why waiting to feel confident can keep you from getting the very experience that would help you become more confident in the first place.

People usually come to me already knowing what they should do. Have the conversation. Apply for the job. Start the business. Set the boundary. They hesitate because they don't feel confident enough to do it yet, which makes sense on the surface. The problem is that confidence tends to come from experience, and you can't get much experience with something you keep waiting to start.

I've often been called a jack of many trades. I think some of that started because when I was younger, I had a lot more time than money, so I was willing to learn how to do things myself. Learning was also harder then. There wasn't a YouTube video waiting to walk you through every step or an answer to almost any question sitting in your pocket.

So I tried things. I learned to cook things I'd never made before. I replaced parts on my car. Sometimes I knew what I was doing and sometimes I was figuring it out as I went. I wasn't taking ridiculous risks, but I was pretty comfortable asking myself, “What's the worst that happens here?” If I ruined the food, I threw it out. If I couldn't fix the car, I paid someone to fix it, which was where I would have ended up if I hadn't tried in the first place.

Over time, doing that in enough different areas changes how willing you are to approach something unfamiliar. You don't have to know for certain that you can do it. You've had enough experiences figuring things out, getting some things wrong and occasionally surprising yourself that unfamiliar doesn't automatically mean incapable.

Autonomy Is Necessary

Confidence also requires enough autonomy to discover what you can do. When other people consistently make the call, fix the problem or step in the minute you get uncomfortable, you don't get many opportunities to test yourself. A kid who's never handed a task without supervision doesn't get that experience. Neither does an employee who's never trusted to make a decision without approval.

That doesn't mean throwing someone into something they're completely unprepared for and calling it empowerment. It means giving people enough room to try, make decisions, correct themselves and occasionally get something wrong. We tend to become more comfortable with our abilities after we've had a chance to use them.

Piece by Piece

Think about something you've been putting off because you don't feel equipped. Instead of asking whether you're confident enough to do it, ask what trying would really cost you if it didn't work.

There are plenty of situations where the consequences warrant calling someone who knows what they're doing. I'm not rewiring my house because I watched a twelve-minute video and suddenly believe in myself. But there are also a lot of situations where the worst outcome is wasted time, a little embarrassment, starting over, throwing out dinner or paying the person you would have paid anyway.

I've learned a lot of things because I was willing to take that chance. Some of them I became good at. Some of them taught me that I was perfectly happy to pay someone else next time. Either way, I learned something.

Listen to the discussion about this topic on The OWN IT Podcast

Questions for Reflection

1. What's something low-risk you've been waiting to feel "ready" for that you could attempt today?
2. Where do you hand off a decision to someone else because it's easier than trusting your own judgment?
3. If trying and failing at something cost you nothing but a little pride, would you still be avoiding it?

Frequently Asked Questions

Does confidence really come from taking action, not the other way around?

Generally, yes. Confidence tends to follow demonstrated evidence that you can handle something, and that evidence only exists after you've attempted it. Waiting to feel confident before acting usually means waiting indefinitely.

What's the difference between confidence and motivation?

Motivation is the desire to act; confidence is the belief that you're capable of handling what happens once you do. You can be motivated and still lack confidence, which is exactly why starting small matters more than starting big.

How do I stop waiting to feel ready before I act?

Lower the stakes of the first attempt until the fear of failing becomes manageable, then treat the outcome as information instead of a judgment. Readiness is usually retroactive. You feel ready after you've already proven to yourself that you could do it.