How to Set Boundaries at Work
Sep 21, 2026TL;DR: Setting a boundary at work is often easier than holding it when someone reacts badly. The discomfort that follows can make even a reasonable boundary suddenly feel negotiable. Nicole Hollar, behavior change keynote speaker and coach, looks at what that moment requires and why deciding what’s yours to give also means accepting that someone else may not like your decision.
A 2024 survey by Resume-Now of over a thousand U.S. workers found that 65% feel empowered to decline extra work, but that number drops to 56% for workers in their late twenties and thirties, the group most likely to be absorbing “just this once” requests on top of an already full plate. If you’re in that group and thinking “that tracks,” you’re not imagining it.
In Logged In, Checked Out, I write about the twenty-minute rule: block the first twenty minutes of your workday for a big-picture plan or a pressing project before you touch email or let anyone into your office. It sounds small. It’s not, because it’s the first time a lot of people have ever drawn a line around their own time on purpose instead of by accident. And here’s the part nobody warns you about: it takes people a few days to catch on. That gap between setting the boundary and other people adjusting to it is where most boundaries quietly die.
Learning to set a boundary requires understanding the whole situation and consideration for others. Boundary setting is you-centric, but that doesn’t make it selfish. People will react to a new boundary. That’s allowed. What’s not required is treating their reaction as proof you did something wrong.
This is Principle 4 of Hollar’s Potter’s Wheel™: Boundaries—I distinguish mine from yours. Your coworker’s irritation when you stop being the person who always says “yes” is real. It’s also not automatically your responsibility to manage. As I put it in the 6-5-10 Model™: they are allowed to react, but their reaction doesn’t automatically give them ownership of the wheel. Power isn’t taken. It’s given away — often one “sure, I can take that on” at a time.
A boundary without enforcement is a preference
Knowing you deserve uninterrupted focus time is Step 1. Saying it out loud is Step 2. Actually protecting it the third time someone tests it, not just the first — is Step 3, and it’s the step most people skip. If you fold the moment someone pushes back, you haven’t set a boundary. You’ve floated a suggestion.
You don't need a dramatic reason
You don’t need to justify a boundary with a crisis. “I’m not available for that right now” is a complete sentence. If you’ve been the reliable, go-to person for everything in your department, you still have the right to hand something back — not because you’ve stopped being capable, but because being capable was never supposed to mean being unlimited.
Give it a runway, not a guarantee
New boundaries feel disruptive to other people before they feel normal. That’s not evidence the boundary was wrong. It’s evidence it is new. Expect some friction in the first week or two, and don’t mistake that friction for failure.
Questions for Reflection
- What's one thing you keep saying “yes” to that you'd stop doing immediately if you weren't worried about how it would look?
- When someone reacts badly to a boundary you've set, whose problem does that reaction really belong to?
- If you never enforced this boundary, what would you be quietly teaching people they're allowed to expect from you?
Frequently Asked Questions
Is setting boundaries at work selfish?
No. Boundary setting is centered on you, but that isn't the same as being selfish. It's a way of making your limits clear so relationships stay honest instead of quietly resentful.
How long does it take for people to respect a new boundary?
Often just a few days of consistent enforcement, though it depends on how long the old pattern was in place. The adjustment period belongs to the people around you; your job is to hold the line while they catch up.
What's the difference between a boundary and an ultimatum?
A boundary defines what you will do in response to a situation and is about your own behavior. An ultimatum tries to control what someone else does. Boundaries you can enforce yourself; ultimatums depend on someone else complying.